Receiving back all my MYE results!
BAMBAMBAMBAM. -dramatic music- I've just received back my MYE results and I'm proud to announce that I did so badly to the extent that I should bang my head on the wall and die. TT.TT I practically flunked my MYE papers. What to do? Die lorhh. Highest grade I get is a B3 which is from my best subject, CORE HISTORY! YAY! but it's not a really high B3, just a normal normal one. -hides in a corner and cry- As for the rest of my papers, it is practically only a pass. like barely passed the paper. so, average grade is C5 i guess? Haiz. This is the worst MYE ever in my whole entire life. NOT A SINGLE 'A' AT ALL! Seriously? I hate it, I hate exams. Can the exams go fuck themselves or something?? It's freaking saddening larh please. Okay, I don't have a super smart brain like all the zai kias in my class, and I don't have parents who are extremely good in studies. Not like I can change my brain or anything right? This is fucking annoying/irritating/whatever larhh. Till now, I haven't told my Dad my results yet coz he's in China. I'm supposed to tell him once I know my marks but, oh wells. I can't imagine the disappointed look on his face plus all the never ending scolding and lecturing. Sometimes, I would wonder if I had chose the right school, if I had chose the right subject combination, if I had chose the right path to take. I just want to run away from all these but it is impossible. I still have to face this ugly truth, this reality, one day. I really don't know what I want to pursue in my life anymore. I just feel that I'm not cut out for studying and I'm simply stupid and studying is not for me. There are so many paths for us to take in future, but it just doesn't seem that there is a path that is for me, a path that I can fit in without any problem. Well, I guess I just suck. My dad would definitely blow his top one he know my marks and the number of papers I fail. I just have to be prepared for all the hell-like school holidays coming up. I'm just gonna die. I will definitely be banned from going out, banned for using com, banned for using phone and just have to study plus do assessment books all day. Life like a prisoner, no wait, worst than a prisoner I guess. I do study for the papers, but I just don't know why everything just went wrong on that day and I just couldn't perform. I'm such a disappointment. My teachers are disappointed, my parents are disappointed, I am disappointed. I just lost hope in everything. Lost hopes in my dreams, lost hope in my future, lost hope in my passion. My future just seemed so dark, so blurry, so dim, so impossible. Maybe, no future is another word for me? My friends are all scoring higher than me. Although I looked like it's okay/I don't give a damn, but it's really hurting me inside, it really is. It's like stabbing right into me every single time I receive back a paper (except history). It's putting out all the hopes in me. I just feel fucking useless. I can't succeed, maybe I never will. What everyone say is to tell me to buck up. Do you think it's so easy? No matter how hard I try I still can't excel. This sucks. I hate it. People around me are encouraging me to not give up and jiayou. But! It's not that I'm not trying my best, I just can't. With teachers like Mrs Lam who idk why keeps picking on me during Chemistry class, I am just under too much pressure and I cannot do well. I'm really very stressed out. My mum said it's okay and I can always do better in EOY. When she says that, it makes me really guilty. It somehow makes me feel remorseful idk why. It's making me reflect on what I did and making me feel bad. I would rather she scold me like hell. Coz I deserve it. I am the one who didn't so well. I am the one who caused all the disappointments in her. I had never been a good daughter who makes her proud. It's me. The problem lies with me. I am the cause for everything. I'm sorry, I just deserve it.
END OF MYES!
MYEs was 3 weeks long, but I would say it passed really fast. For the past 3 weeks, I've been just going to school to sit for a paper then go home to study for the next paper. Now, I'm really sick and tired of exams. Exams are just testing how much I can remember for a certain subject. Frankly speaking, I cannot remember anything I've studied for MYE now. What's the point then? Now that exams are over, I can heave a sigh of relief. But results are coming back to me on Thursday. I would definitely not have a pleasant time after showing my results to my parents. Certain subjects I'm bound to fail, confirm will fail. I'm actually worried for the results. This MYE came too sudden, it makes me unprepared. The school said the brought MYE forward so the Sec 2s can go to China without delay, but now their trip are cancelled, why don't MYE be pushed back? I would have more time to study then and at least I won't fail so badly. This year is a hectic year for all the performing arts cca, we do have SYF. MYE starts in less than a month, let's say in weeks, after SYF ended. Isn't this too strenuous for the performing arts students, especially the upper sec? This doesn't really affect some of the sec 2s as not all ccas have sec 2s performing for SYF. This is freaking infair for us. We are expected to perform well and do the school proud for SYF and do well in our studies at the same time. How are we able to meet such expectations? During the SYF period, all the performing arts ccas have practices for almost 5-days in a week. After cca, we are so mentally and physically tired but we are still expected to go home to study. This isn't fair, not at all. For the sec threes this year, I would say most people haven't adapted to the hectic schedule yet. I am indeed one of them. Life as a Sec 3 is still kinda tough and overwhelming for me. I certainly cannot cope everything at one go. Not when there are so many subjects and with papers such as Chemistry and Geography on a same day. These 2 papers are super duper ultra mega content heavy and we have to memorize and sit for the paper. Why don't you just take a gun and shoot me instead? Exams are torturing and it kills me slowly. Although exams are over, I don't have much time for myself either as I would have to face the music and my June holidays would most probably be spent studying. And I have 1 week of extra-lessons for the first week of the holiday. This sucks. The school now takes away another week for me to rest. Damn.
YAYYY! FIRST POST OF THE BLOG! :)
HURRAY! MY NEW BLOG IS FINALLY UP! It has been so long since I've said I wanted to start a new blog! Well, now I've done it! -cheers- Practically all my previous blog died. ): but I'm gonna try my best to keep this blog going! I will be voicing out my thoughts here so yeah, enjoyyy! ~~ testing.testing.testing.
Name: Samantha ❤
Well, I've opened a few blogs before this but I've deleted all of them. I hope this blog would be a platform for my to voice out my thoughts and inner-self. I may use certain types of language and I hereby apologize for them if they were to offend you. I will be sharing all the part and parcel of my life onto this blog. Being it be happy moments, joyful moments, sad moments or angry moments. I had always believed in sharing my joy with others. Enjoy your stay here and do feel free to leave a comment if you want! p.s. no hurtful or judgmental comments please! ><
Travel to Japan!♥ 
Make my own accessories 